Tuesday, August 22, 2017

First trip with LSD: through cosmic night into miraculous sunrise

Male, just turned 28, been detached from chaotic social life for a year, leaving a well-paid whole-time-occupying job, moving to a rather quiet peninsula which lies between the sea and the beautiful city of Da Nang. I live here alone without any stable job, intend to take it slow and relax to explore time, freedom, my mind, and what lies ahead. 

In order to do that, I had to lie and escape from my parents' supervision at home (life is not so free in a south-east asia country, huh?), accept the fall of a relationship and let a cute naive girlfriend go, as I could never grant her the ulimate wish in her life: getting married and build a small happy family. It is not a thing to do, when you have passed through all desires, all illussions in life: you see clearly that all those common worldly mindsets about career, responsibility, power, pride, love, family, future are just meaningless. You are left on your own as a single human being, navigating through life as part of a infinite and mysterious cosmos. What would it mean? What is the point of living? What is there to look forward to? Longing for answers to those questions, one would cease to be manipulated by society, one would gradually get out from thick layers of hipocrisy to be one's true self. 

Having said that, my detached life as a truth seeker did not go all easy and smooth. My mind was still too used to worldly habits, being heavily affected by worldly thoughts and flickers of desires. I would spend most of the day reading news, scrolling through social media, and stuck in a loop of a thousand toxic thoughts. All plans on yoga and meaditation never get excecuted. I became immobile in loneliness and confusion, lost motivation and inspiration, and seemed to make no progress. 


That was when a friend called me up to see if I want to grab some LSD tabs. So right before 28th birthday, I rode a thousand kilometers to Saigon to take a hold of my first psychedelic substance in life. After some quick research at home of how to see Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (good information could be found here), I just waited for the right time to set off, and it was yesterday evening when my ego fell low, my mind fell deep into endless thoughts about life and destiny. I took a square at 9 pm before washing dishes and bathing, and the trip began, leading to an extremely stunning experience I had never had in life. Below I shall try my best to describe it.



THE TRIP





1. First glance: the trip begins before you really notice


After 60-75 minutes LSD would take full effect, but about 20-30 minutes after taking the tab, it has already affected me (this I only realized long afterwards). Some of the greatest blocks in my mind seems to start trembling and slowly unknot. First action that marks it was I tried to contact my ex (not successfully because I had deleted her number long ago so I would not interrupt with her new life in any circumstance), not to say I'm still in love like a mere drunk on acoholic, but to share my thoughts about our relationship last time. We never really ended it properly, and since she has not matured spiritually, I did not have much chance to talk with her hearts to hearts, explain to her what was wrong, tell her why she hurt me really bad, why I hurt her so bad, and assure her everything is gonna be alright for each of us. 

Along with that is some other changes in mind about postition in life, new points of view, accompanied by mild distortion in feelings and vision. 


2. Door is open: enormous flows for feelings and visions. 


Right, after about 75 minutes, the psychedelic substance takes the wheel, I fully open my living room balcony, turn off the light, and here it comes! 

My mind seems to greatly expand in all dimensions. Feelings arise like strong continuous waves, washing off all mental blockages, leaving me so light, so fresh and free. I laugh out loud several times like a maniac upon this new experience. 

And visions, I only notice the changes when stepping out to my balcony, looking at the bushes down at the green field below. They are like mashmallow clouds tripping in the sky when you look out of your plane windows. then the patern multiples, swaying from side to side, occupies my entire vision. And the lights! All hundreds of kinds of colorful light dots keep on blinking and multiplying, together with the clouds, leaving me mesmerized as I fell into an abyss of infinite cosmic kaleidoscope. 

My mind begins to sway, my soul begins sway, my body begins to sway, dancing like a child with my cosmic background music, interrupted by human life noises around, interrupted by the trance music playing on rooftop of Novotel night club 2km away across the river. 

Hanging onto the fence of my balcony, I feel like The Joker from that movie Dark Knight by Nolan. I can understand how he feels, I can synchronize with his mind. I am him from the inside. That character must be high on LSD for sure. I am so hyped on the deck of a bizarre space ship and the night is still so young!


3. Peak: Am I a superman or a mahatma?


The peak came around 2 hours into the trip. It begins when I sit down and apply anti-mosquito cream for the whole night ahead, opened to nature. The cream happens to be Remos by Mentholatum, ecstatically warm with a smell of herbs. I apply it to my limbs and then to my whole face and neck. This is the best decision ever! 

The warm cream brings feelings as if my outer self are being peeled of, starting from the face down to neck and whole body. And then an overflow of energy explode from my inside. Immediately I position myself in quarter-lotus posture for meditation, closed my eyes in ecstacy as the miraculous energy flows up my spine and radiates into so many branches like a giant tree. And visions. The moment I close my eyes, mental visuals expose a whole different, cartoon-like, spitiual world where I have a deep greenish blue body and the tree of energy inside it is glimmering with silver and gold. I gradually adjust my posture and breathing so the flows would not be blocked, and it errupts like countless rays of fireworks on my shoulders and around my head. There would be no words that could explain this experience. I just sit there smiling, breathing in the herbal air, closing my eyes and trembling in ultimate happiness. 

After a while, I walk around again in and out of the living room. Inside is my spiritual world and outside is the cosmos, separated by a threshold now fully opened. Examine my body with a new sensation, feeling a new energy in every step, I picture myself as a half-superman, half-mahatma and again sit down in the magical room, looking out to the starry night and feel like I'm meditating on a Himalayan peak. I am enlightened...

This brings about a strange feeling of melancholy, as if I have surrendered myself to become one with unity, but at the same time also lonely because no one else would share with me this experience. I have got to go through so much, droping so much, turn down so much in life to trade for this moment but only to be accompanied by loneliness. I feel like Hancock by the end of the movie starring Will Smith. I guess it is currently my true self. 


4. Tripping: We are all naked children of the cosmos


After the amazing discoveries at peak which last 1-2 hours, things sliding slowly, leaving my soul tripping like a robe of silk in the threshold betwween my spiritual world and that of the universe. It's peaceful, it's like a floating lucid dream in the middle of magical northern lights.

I lie flat on my belly, turn my head aside to see the image of bokehs from the distant horizon fragmentarily reflected on to the ceramic tiles, right at the side of my eyes. Zooming in, I'm amazed how deep I can go, further furthemore, right into a single particle of light. So tiny, so subtle, so fragile and beautiful. 

Now everybody has been sound asleep. No more vehicles, no riverboats, no more speech, now more disco music and laser light that pierce the night. It is then that I realize how noisy a creature we are. We talk a mouthful surely, but worse are our machines and their artificial noises, so overwhlelming and intolerable. It's like a group of instruments playing out of tone with the ochestra of universe. Ignorant and selfish, this group deceive themselves that they are playing so well and go on louder and non-stop, drowning out all beautiful, hamornious melodies and rhythms of others. 

Even the tick tack of a table clock has become so annoying. That is not the sound of time, just an absurd artificial mechanism trying to poorly immitate time. I turn mine off so as to listen and appreciate every breath of earth, every true step of time. As I lie there but floating somewhere else, countless voices are singing for me, so gently. They are crickets, frogs, ducks, mouse, owls, rossters, winds, and many more. I have had so many sleepless nights but never paid attention to their song, if one did, one would always be able to fall asleep so peacfully in this Earth music.

With magnified eyesight now I can see a few owls scouting around, flying from bushes to trees to top of the streetlight posts, all soundlessly blended into the atmosphere like wizards with a cloak of feathers flying in the mystic world. Here and there a mouse would sneak out of a bush, and I even see a strange creature with body of big cat but a very weird head strolling alongside the road under yellow light. All of these interesting neighbours only show their present when night is thick and humans are not around. 

Stars twinkle high above the deepest night sky, as I walk out and lying on the top of the balcony fence. It makes me feel so opened, so naked right in front of the entire cosmos. Everyday, every moment, and in this very nick of time, Earth and all its inhabitants are floating in the middle of an endless space filled with stars and darkness. We are constantly directed into the cosmos, while each and every members of it are constantly watching and holding us in a gentle embrace. We human are just another children of the cosmos, how could we be so loud and selfish? How could we be so occupied by stupid civilzed life and so ignorant about the real world around and above? How could we contaminate Earth day by day and lead it into complete destruction? How could we disrespect our true home, our loving Mother? We are so blind and deaf.


5. Daybreak: I'm a peaceful creature 


I become the stone of a human left unspoken in front of the universe, waiting for the sun. LSD effects are fading together with the Orion ring above my head, but the experience is still so overwhelming in my mind. The sky from deep darkness gradually turns into a veil of blue silk, brushed up here and there with elegant strokes of thin white clouds and glorious orange rays of the rising sun. 

Through this night trip I have been able to unknot some greatest blockages in mind, and attained some important answers for the future ahead. During a few waking monents I tried to write down some notes even though my vision could not forcus on the writings on paper and tended to go completely blur. Nevertheless, later during the day, I check again and they are not so bad, somehow remind me of the feelings and answers I got from my true self.



6. Completed with a physical trip: the wilderness in new light


After daybreak, I really cannot tell if Lucy is still in the sky, but the trippy feeling still exists. It makes me become more adventurous, so I took my motorbike out and ride to the nearby mountain pass. Second best decision ever! 

Normally I'm a tough rider and always rolling in high speed, pushing the bike to roar in full potential, but not today. I cannot tolerate artificial sounds anymore and try to keep it down as low as possible so the nature can show its beautiful present. 

On the way I see an old couple cruising side by side on two bicycles, a little girl wearing an oversized hat sitting behind the man, looking around at the trees and morning light. Everything is so queit and I know that is true happiness. The city is waking up with some early morning people getting out of their house for a walk in peace before the clock ticks again. Those people look ever so lovely and I love them all. I feel love and appreciation in the atmosphere but I need to hurry before noises and contaminations strike back. 

After 45 minutes riding through the city and along the beach, I've reach the green mountains and oh man, how beautiful they are. Everything appears in a new light to me, trees and flowers and clouds and birds, bees and grasshoppers and ants and berries. I just want to let go of my bike and spread my arms wide to fly with the winds. Warm smell of herbs calmly leads me up the zig zag road on mountain's side, but I just have to stop so many times to appreciate the view and surrounding vegetation. It feels like I've been looking at them through a blurr pair of goggles all these years and only now are those gone, everything is in full HD, so pure and fresh.


Mountain pass

Solo trip to nature

Morrning wings
Red berries glimmering in the bush

Beauty in every step

Can you see my bike?

Human life is so tiny far below. I'm high in the purest sky.


That is how my memorable trip ends. I feel so grateful to be right here, right now. I feel so lucky that my peninsula is the best location, my balcony is the best place, and last night was the best time for the best LSD experience I could have. Just love it.



Experience Sum-up

My tripping space
Day view - Greenfield
Day view - night club across the river


1. Doses: 

A square tab normally contains 80-120 microgram of LSD or 1P-LSD, depending on vendors. The threshold dose for full swing of effects varies from 200-500 microgram depending on each individual (of American body size, which is basically twice my size). However, you should start with 2/3 (two thirds) of the dose to get used to it before going all in. To me, one tab is already enough for a wonderful trip. Next time I will experiment with higher dose. Keep in mind that when the dose is high enough, users may feel the loss of ego, which is a tremendous experience not suitable for those unprepared. 

2. Alone or in group? 

I myself think LSD trip is meant to be for individual experience, or at most for you and another closed partner only. Whatsoever, I recommend you not talk during the whole trip, or at least minimize speech so that you can listen to the universe and to your soul. If necessary, try sending messages with your phone (writing texts on paper to pass in group shall not be effective, I could not read papers but can read messages on the phone). 

During the first phase of the trip, overwhelming thoughts, senses and awareness may cause confusion and hallucination but don't be afraid. Follow through and explore your mind. If necessary, communicate with a friend as mentioned above.

3. Spirituality: 

Learn to appreciate aloneness and be comfortable with yourself. Try to detach from social life once in a while to find your true self and be aware of your biggest questions: who you really are, what you really want, what you really need, what is the meaning of life? Learn to be sensitive and be mature in terms of mind and spirit. Have some basic ideas about mediation, yoga, and enlightenment. All of this would contribute to a great trip with the help of LSD.

4. Place  and time: 

You should find a comfortable and familiar place to trip. However, don't stay in closed space. Find some place that is opened or half opened to nature. The place inside is for you to calm down and explore your body then your inner self, the outdoor nature is for you to explore the surrounding cosmos. Respectively, these two activities are different and would bring about visions of the inner, spiritual world and the outter, cosmic world. Eventually if you go deep enough in both directions, these two worlds will merge.

The psychedelic effect would last roughly 8-10 hours, which is fading in the end. For timing, I prefer an interval when you can sense the transformation of the world from human-occupied to nature-occupied, from noisy to quiet, from darkness to light. All these changes would bring different viewpoints to enrich your exploration. 

5. Music: 

Music is very important medium to guide your trip. However, don't let it take full control. Choose some cosmic music that is mild and gentle to become the cushion that paves the road for your train of thoughts, and creates the threshold for your soul to float out. During my trip I listen to 03 sound tracks below. Would prefer the first track to be played twice, then the second track, then the last track, then repeat first and last tracks one more time.


6. Body temperature

Since the experience is stunningly overwhelming, it could easily affect your body system. Prepare cool drinking water, a towel, a coat, and a blanket/ sleeping bag to get ready for any overheat or sudden fall in body temperature. You certainly would not want to get sick.

7. If hungry: 

Best thing to eat is fruits. My favourite is honeydews. They taste just like morning dew that is sweet like honey, but not too sweet. Besides, the nicest drink should be some herbal tea which I did not have during my trip. Next time going to big city I shall to grab the African Sunrise tea (I don't really remember the name though) from Coffee Beans, or something like that. 

8. Transportation: 

Due to distorted and blurred visions, do not drive or ride unless the effects have nearly varnished. Riding bikes on long trips has been my hobby for a long time, and riding has become my second instinct, but at times during my mountain trips of the next day, I feel very sleepy and at one point nearly tripped into the sewage drain by the side of the road. Luckily I steered clear thanks to experienced reaction. If you are not comfortable with riding or driving but really gotta move while on LSD, have someone sober to give you a ride, or just simply walk. 



That's it. I have many many things to say, but right now all above is what I could materialize into words.

Life itself is a trip, let's explore and live a nice one! :)




Sunday, August 20, 2017

Khóc

Hồi năm 2013, tôi xin nghỉ phép một tuần, bỏ lại công việc bộn bề vô nghĩa sau lưng để ra Côn Đảo một mình tìm sự thanh thản.  Khi tham gia tour lặn scuba diving ngắm san hô trong chuyến đi đó tôi gặp David, một cậu thanh niên người Thụy Sĩ, đang trên đường đi bụi qua nhiều đất nước trên thế giới. Tuy mới 20 nhưng David có ngoại hình khá to con và già dặn, đi cạnh cậu ta mà tôi thấy mình chỉ như một thằng nhóc mới 16 tuổi. 

David kể cậu vừa mới hoàn thành nghĩa vụ quân sự và muốn đi du lịch nhiều nơi để trải nghiệm cuộc sống trước khi vào đại học. Cậu ghét chiến tranh và nhất quyết không động vào súng ống, nên được sắp xếp những vị trí có ít tính bạo lực nhất trong quân đội như trực ban, và thu xếp nhu yếu phẩm. Ở Thụy Sĩ thì chuyện đó là khả thi. Tôi đã khá ngạc nhiên và hỏi dù có làm những công việc bên lề thì người lính nào cũng phải được huấn luyện cơ bản với súng đạn chứ? David đáp rằng, ừ, có lẽ thế, nhưng tao nhất quyết không bao giờ cầm súng và nói với chỉ huy rằng nếu bắt tao phải thao tác với súng đạn, lỡ có tai nạn gì xảy ra cho mọi người xung quanh thì đừng có trách tao. Ở Thụy Sĩ, người ta có quyền phản bác và bảo vệ lựa chọn cá nhân của mình như thế. 

David là người rất độc lập, chỉn chu và đáng tin cậy. Cậu có vẻ rất thoải mái vì không phải đeo đồng hồ đeo tay. "Mày biết không, tao không đeo đồng hồ đeo tay vì đang trong kì nghỉ. Chỉ khi đi nghỉ thì tao mới tháo đồng hồ." Cậu thanh niên này là người mạnh mẽ và yêu thiên nhiên, luôn mang theo mặt nạ gắn ống thở và theo tôi ra bãi biển vắng gần sân bay để lặn ngắm những đám cá nhỏ lấp lánh bơi nép vào các khe đá. Tuy nhiên, điều làm tôi bất ngờ nhất là khi nói chuyện với David về phim ảnh, và nghe kể rằng cậu đã khóc khi xem bộ phim "Life is beautiful" của Roberto Benigni. Tôi cũng đã xem và biết đó là một bộ phim hài cảm động nói về số phận của những người Do Thái trong Thế Chiến II, nhưng chẳng thể tưởng tượng rằng một thằng thanh niên lại có thể khóc vì bộ phim ấy. Và David còn nói với cậu thì khóc khi xem một bộ phim hay đọc một cuốn sách là việc vẫn thường xảy ra, không có gì là lạ. 

Còn tôi thì cho rằng đó thật là một việc quái đản đối với một người đàn ông, vì nước mắt thể hiện cho sự mềm yếu. Hồi ấy tôi là một thanh niên trẻ khá tự tin vào khả năng tự thân vận động và bươn trải của mình trong cuộc sống. Trong đời mình tính tới thời điểm đó, tôi mới chỉ khóc vài ba lần ít ỏi, tất cả đều vì cảm thấy bản thân mình bất lực trước hoàn cảnh. Nhưng chuyện đó sẽ không bao giờ xảy ra nữa, tôi đã ngày càng mạnh hơn, tự chủ hơn và hiểu được chính mình. Sẽ không còn sự bất lực, chỉ còn một tinh thần sắt đá tiến lên phía trước và quyết tâm làm chủ số phận. Đó là cách sống của một thằng đàn ông, và nước mắt sẽ chỉ dành cho kẻ thua cuộc yếu đuối. 

Thế rồi bẵng đi một thời gian, tôi đạt được tất cả những mục tiêu đã đặt ra cho cuộc sống, sự nghiệp, và cả tình yêu, nhưng cuối cùng chỉ tìm thấy trong lòng mình cảm giác hụt hẫng và trống rỗng. Đó là lúc tôi quyết định từ bỏ mọi ham muốn vô nghĩa, bước ra khỏi cuộc đua tranh phàm tục bấy lâu nay, và tìm kiếm mục đích thực sự trong cuộc sống. Sự nghiệp tiêu tan, tình yêu sụp đổ, đó là những hệ quả tất yếu khi một người quyết định rút ra khỏi guồng quay của xã hội. Tôi chỉ còn lại một mình, nhưng không hề lúng túng hay lo sợ. Tôi biết mình đang đi đúng hướng. 

Thế rồi một ngày trong cuộc sống đơn độc mới, tôi nhận ra mình bắt đầu khóc. Tôi thấy mình bỗng nhiên dễ bị xúc động hơn rất nhiều khi xem phim hay nghe nhạc. Chỉ một bối cảnh, chỉ một giai điệu hay ca từ thôi, cũng có thể khiến tôi bỗng nhiên rơi lệ. Đó thực sự là một bất ngờ, dường như trong tôi đã có thứ gì đổi khác. Đây không phải là những lệ vì hoàn cảnh của bản thân, vì cảm giác cô đơn hay bất lực, mà là những giọt lệ của sự đồng cảm sâu sắc. Tôi bỗng thấy mình hiểu thấu cảm xúc của một con người khác dù chỉ là hư cấu, hiểu thấu cảm xúc trong một tiếng nói, một ca từ, một giai điệu. Những cảm xúc ấy mang lại nỗi đau, niềm hạnh phúc, hay sự xoa dịu trong chính tâm hồn tôi, như thể nó đã hòa vào làm một với những câu chuyện trong phim, hay với tâm hồn tác giả của những bản nhạc. 

Có lẽ mọi thứ bắt đầu lúc tôi xem bộ phim Inside Out của Pixar và rơi lệ khi Bing Bong vừa vẫy tay nhắn nhủ Joy hãy thay mình đưa Riley lên mặt trăng (take her to the moon - ảm chỉ cảm giác lâng lâng vì hạnh phúc), vừa dần dần tan biến vào hư vô, vĩnh viễn biến mất. Sau đó nước mắt lại rơi khi tôi nghe từ "sayounara" (từ biệt) được cất lên trong ca khúc Itsumo Nando Demo kết thúc bộ phim anime Spirited Away. Rồi đến những cảnh quay về thời niên thiếu của Wonder Woman trên hòn đảo tách biệt với loài người. Tiếp đó là nhiều cảnh phim hay giai điệu khác nữa, thi thoảng xuất hiện và lập tức khiến cảm xúc dâng trào lên, khiến khí quản nghẹn đắng và mắt lại ngấn lệ. Dường như tâm hồn tôi đã trở nên tinh tế và nhạy cảm hơn một bậc so với trước đây. Ban đầu tôi nghĩ nó xuất phát từ nỗi đau và sự cô đơn sau khi mối tình có lẽ là cuối cùng trong đời mình sụp đổ, nhưng qua thời gian tôi nghĩ còn có thứ gì sâu xa hơn thế đã tác động tới tâm hồn mình sau một quãng thời gian tách khỏi vòng xoay nhiễu loạn của xã hội và có nhiều thời gian hơn để suy tưởng về loài người, về thế giới, về tạo hóa và vũ trụ. 

Hơn bao giờ hết, tôi đã hiểu những giọt nước mắt của David không phải là thứ gì mềm yếu, kém nam tính, mà là biểu hiện của nhân tính, của một tâm hồn đẹp và nhạy cảm, chưa bị xơ cứng và chết đi trong cõi nhân sinh đang ngày càng phù phiếm, giả tạo và ác độc của con người. Gần đây nhất, tôi đã khóc khi xem bộ phim anime "Nausicaa of the valley of the wind" năm 1984 của Studio Ghibli. Khóc cho Trái Đất, khóc cho sự ngu dốt và cuồng điên của nhân loại, khóc vì chẳng thể đóng góp được gì nhiều để thay đổi những gì con người đã, đang, và sẽ làm với Đất Mẹ và mọi sinh vật của tạo hóa xung quanh mình. 

Nếu mọi người đều có thể xem và khóc trước những bộ phim như "Life is beautiful" hay "Nausicaa of the valley of the wind" thì có lẽ mọi thứ trên hành tinh của chúng ta đã có thể trở nên tốt đẹp hơn rất nhiều.


Saturday, August 5, 2017

The trains of possibilities

During teenage years I was a struggling kid who used to have all of his friends were moving forwards to somewhere he could not attend. A step too late, I failed to board that train. I was dragged down by fears and introvert nature, being trapped in my parents' invisible cage. All I could do is to watch my fellas moving away on the rails leading to maturity and adulthood, somewhere across the horizon. More and more distant accumulate and soon I found myslef become an islolated strangers to them, asking myself if I should have run my best to catch up with that train, what if I didn't belong to it and woud still be an outsider among those passengers. 

Left behind at the station of possibilities, trembling in fears and loneliness, I forced myself back on the feet again, wandering towards the horizon, trying my best to get through secondary school, high school and college, then over to the 20s as a quiet loner. All by myself, I gradually sneaked out of the cage and hide away from toxic manipulation forces of my parents. And dark was the journey and lost was I, so many times in the maze of human sins and desires, but I never stopped and let myself stay down to die in darkness. I moved on forwards with utmost efforts to find the meaning of life, to accquire happiness. 

It was in my late 20s that I get into close contact with some friends from before. And once again I had that feeling of drifting apart from them. Only that this time, it was in the opposite direction. I was just walking and suddenly found myself catching up fast with those friends forward, then Inlook down and realize all these years I had been walking on the deck of another train, one that I had unconsciously boarded, one that was moving towards the same direction with my friend. But I notices some differrence, my train was somehow not of the same kind. My friends' train seemed to be dragged down by something but they were unaware of that. We exchange some words and I moved on. I passed by them! But still they did not notice this fact. In their point of view thay must have perceived that I was staying at the same spot, or at most was moving sideway, not making any progress. It was because we were moving into different dimensions. Being led by the ultimate desire for satisfaction, they keep on moving but only within an infinite loop of money, benefits, reputation, and power. Their eyes were blinded due to their unfulfilled hearts and incompleted souls. If they made no progress in the heart and soul, they would be contantly moving yet still stuck in their loop till the day they die a bitter and unstisfied death. 

As for me, all those long and lonely years had stripped down every pride and desires. leaving me as a sole vagabond unacquainted with materialism, looking only for answers to self-existence. I missed the ordinary train that everybody should have boarded, but on my feet I had somehow found a remote station of another train, one for those seeking freedom of body and soul. That was another type of train which people should transit onto once they found themselves stuck in the loops. 

During the long and bitter journey through the deserted barren land before boarding this train, I had passed through my loops on foot. Now I was moving away into another dimesions of human experience in this life, looking aside at my friends who were still racing restlessly in loops, and wondered if they could ever make it out with their family. 

Nevertheless, I had to concentrate on my own journey and be sure not to miss the next transit ahead, if there would be any.