During teenage years I was a struggling kid who used to have all of his friends were moving forwards to somewhere he could not attend. A step too late, I failed to board that train. I was dragged down by fears and introvert nature, being trapped in my parents' invisible cage. All I could do is to watch my fellas moving away on the rails leading to maturity and adulthood, somewhere across the horizon. More and more distant accumulate and soon I found myslef become an islolated strangers to them, asking myself if I should have run my best to catch up with that train, what if I didn't belong to it and woud still be an outsider among those passengers.
Left behind at the station of possibilities, trembling in fears and loneliness, I forced myself back on the feet again, wandering towards the horizon, trying my best to get through secondary school, high school and college, then over to the 20s as a quiet loner. All by myself, I gradually sneaked out of the cage and hide away from toxic manipulation forces of my parents. And dark was the journey and lost was I, so many times in the maze of human sins and desires, but I never stopped and let myself stay down to die in darkness. I moved on forwards with utmost efforts to find the meaning of life, to accquire happiness.
It was in my late 20s that I get into close contact with some friends from before. And once again I had that feeling of drifting apart from them. Only that this time, it was in the opposite direction. I was just walking and suddenly found myself catching up fast with those friends forward, then Inlook down and realize all these years I had been walking on the deck of another train, one that I had unconsciously boarded, one that was moving towards the same direction with my friend. But I notices some differrence, my train was somehow not of the same kind. My friends' train seemed to be dragged down by something but they were unaware of that. We exchange some words and I moved on. I passed by them! But still they did not notice this fact. In their point of view thay must have perceived that I was staying at the same spot, or at most was moving sideway, not making any progress. It was because we were moving into different dimensions. Being led by the ultimate desire for satisfaction, they keep on moving but only within an infinite loop of money, benefits, reputation, and power. Their eyes were blinded due to their unfulfilled hearts and incompleted souls. If they made no progress in the heart and soul, they would be contantly moving yet still stuck in their loop till the day they die a bitter and unstisfied death.
As for me, all those long and lonely years had stripped down every pride and desires. leaving me as a sole vagabond unacquainted with materialism, looking only for answers to self-existence. I missed the ordinary train that everybody should have boarded, but on my feet I had somehow found a remote station of another train, one for those seeking freedom of body and soul. That was another type of train which people should transit onto once they found themselves stuck in the loops.
During the long and bitter journey through the deserted barren land before boarding this train, I had passed through my loops on foot. Now I was moving away into another dimesions of human experience in this life, looking aside at my friends who were still racing restlessly in loops, and wondered if they could ever make it out with their family.
Nevertheless, I had to concentrate on my own journey and be sure not to miss the next transit ahead, if there would be any.
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